Top Songs 2017

Spotify
Apple Music
YouTube

• “Friend” – Jonathan Ogden
  • “And I know, I know I’m never on my own.
    You’re my Savior, You’re my friend, You are faithful to the end.”
    Opening up the beginning of 2017, I was unemployed. My previous job ended on Dec. 31st, and I knew that the months ahead would be a challenge. But I felt peace. This album was released in the winter of 2017, and I felt like it was written just for me.
• “I Won’t Let You Go” – Switchfoot
  • “When it feels like surgery, and it burns like 3rd degree, and you wonder, “What is it worth?” When your inside’s caving in and you feel that ache again, and you wonder what’s giving birth.”
    This song entered my radar in 2016, but it didn’t truly minister to me until this year. These first months were dark times for me, and this song was God saying, “I’m right here, I’m taking care of it, just wait and see!”
• “Iridescent” – Linkin Park
  • “Remember all the sadness and frustration… and let it go.”
    The suicide of Chester Bennington hit me harder than I realized. I grew up listening to Linkin Park, and somehow I felt that a part of my adolescence had died too. I realized that I had never prayed for a celebrity. We talk about praying for our leaders, and we pray for our president etc, but the true leaders of our nation are those who form our culture. Artists, actors, celebrities. Do we pray for them? It put such sorrow and conviction in my spirit. I never prayed for Chester. I knew by his music and his openness about it that he had always battled depression. Songs like this were anthems of his fans, he ministered to the broken with songs that say: “You’re going to make it!” In the end… he didn’t make it. The broken was ministering to the broken. The blind leading the blind. I felt such conviction, this song written by the broken ministered to me. If I am “saved”, what am I doing about it? How am I sharing the love of Christ with the hurt and broken world?
• “What It Costs” – Switchfoot
  • “Love uses pain to drill the holes that irrigate our dry and thirsty souls.”
    “Our story is the pain that we outgrew.”
    “You can’t call it love until you’ve lost. If you love someone, this is what it costs.”
    Switchfoot never ceases to write songs that speak to me for years and years and years. The anthem of God’s Love has been a theme of learning for years now, and this song furthers that learning. Sometimes Love lets bad things happen, to help us grow. Sometimes Love lets you lose everything so you can find the true source again: God. God, after all, lost everything to show us his Love, why should our lives be any different?
    This helped me accept that what I was going through was for a purpose.
• “You’ll Be Okay” – Michael Schulte
  • “It hurts to be all on your own, but you’ll just have to wait.
    ‘Cause time’s running fast and it calms you to know it won’t last.”
    Okay, this song is a bit depressing, Haha. But I can’t tell you how many times I was driving down the road, tears falling, mad at God, yelling at God, “When is it my turn!?”
    This song was every frustration that I felt, and it was a gentle reminder to slow down and just let things be, You’ll Be Okay.
• “Trust” – Jonathan Ogden
  • “You have seen the depths of my heart and you love me all the same. Yes, you love me, God. And I trust you, I trust you, I trust you.”
    I specifically remember taking a “Jesus Drive” one day. I had just left the re-employment center, I was about 4 months in of being unemployed. I was so discouraged. I couldn’t go home and sit in my house again. So I just drove. I cried. I worshipped. I prayed. And this song about Trust just reinforced my faith. I still trust you, God.
• “There Is A Cloud” – Elevation Worship
  • “And with great anticipation we await the promise to come. Everything that you have spoken will come to pass, Let it be done!”
    This is a faith building song. Declaring in faith that His promises were coming! Not just in my finances, but in my ministry and in my personal life.
• “Do It Again” – Elevation Worship
  • “Walking around these walls, I thought by now they’d fall. But you have never failed me yet. Waiting for change to come, knowing the battle’s won, for you have never failed me yet. Your promise still stands, Great is your faithfulness. I’m still in your hands, this is my confidence… You’ve never failed me yet.”
    One day I had to drive out to Nashville to put what little money I had from unemployment in my bank. Upon arriving, I realized that the money I was going to put in wasn’t going to cover what was about to come out, and no matter what I did, my bank was going to overdraft. I sat in my car, the cold rain pouring down, ready to cry my eyes out. This song comes on in my song shuffle. I started to cry, but I couldn’t sing the words. I couldn’t proclaim his faithfulness. I didn’t have the strength anymore. I just listened. And just listening, letting it seep into my spirit was enough.
• “Atlas: Daughter” – Sleeping At Last
  • “This is your kingdom, this is your crown, this is your story. This is your moment, Don’t look down. You’re ready, born ready, and all you’ve gotta do is put one foot in front of you.”
    I could feel a change coming, but I listened to this song during the rough times. It wasn’t my moment yet, but I was ready. I knew my moments were coming.
• “Our God Is Good” – Brian Courtney Wilson
  • “In every season, sunshine or the rain, We can be sure our God is good.”
    Sometimes you just have to remind yourself: God is good. And His plans are always for the good.
• “Lord, You Are Good” – Todd Galberth
  • “So many doors You opened, so many ways You made, so many times
    You healed me. You’ve been better than good to me.”
    A had a short time in this journey where I was pretty mad at God. I had a job finally, but it wasn’t the blessing I had envisioned. I still had financial struggles. I still wasn’t moving forward in my ministry and my personal life.
    I would say things to him like “This is not what I asked for. I’ve paid my sacrifices, I’ve done what you asked, now where is my blessing? I deserve it. It’s my turn now.”
    And God hit me hard one day. I don’t deserve anything. If all he ever gave me was the everlasting life he gave me when he died on a cross… then I could never repay him, I should never ask for more. He doesn’t owe me anything. My attitude began to change toward this changing of seasons. This song is a song of being grateful for everything He has done for me.
• “Seasons Change (Live)” – United Pursuit feat. Michael Ketterer
  • “Though the seasons change, Your love remains.”
    Through the pain of the struggle, the change, the shift in my life… the underlying theme was still God’s love for me.
• “Take Courage” – Kristene Di Marco, Bethel Music
  • “Slow down, take time, breathe in,” He said. He’d reveal what’s to come. The thoughts in His mind, always higher than mine. He’ll reveal all to come. So take courage, my heart. Stay steadfast, my soul. He’s in the waiting. Hold on to your hope as your triumph unfolds, He’s never failing.”
    I was sitting in the dark in my living room one night, the only person up in the house. I saw a post on instagram from an indie worship leader out in CA. It was a piece of paper pinned to his wall, the words scrawled: “He’s in the waiting”. A commenter on the post said: “This song has ministered to me so much…”
    I knew I had to find it. I did some searching and found the first recording of this song that bethel filmed on youtube. Their new album was months away, and I had no idea if this song would even be on it. The recording is 12 minutes long and sounds nothing like the radio version track they put on the album. It has all of the raw emotion and spontaneous worship that give this song life. (you can find this video in the youtube playlist link of this list of songs.)
    I sat in my living room and literally sobbed. I played it about 5 times before I went to sleep that night. Sometimes you have to speak to your own heart. TAKE COURAGE.
• “King of My Heart (Live)” – Sarah McMillan
  • “When the night is holding on to me, God is holding on… ‘Cause You are good.”
    Sarah McMillan’s version of this song is the best version by the way. She brings such an emotion to this song that makes it what it is. There’s a theme running here. Have you caught on yet? GOD IS GOOD.
• “Beyond The Surface” – Far-Flung Tin Can feat. Tobin & Joanne Shoemate
  • “Take me beyond the surface, show me what’s real and worthy.
    No more shallow worship… Deeper Lord.”
    As the seasons began to change, this song became my heart’s cry. I was coming out of the desert, the rain of God’s blessings were beginning to fall, and I didn’t want to lose the closeness I had felt during my trials.
• “Restless” – Switchfoot
  • “I’ll be waiting, anticipating, all that I am aim for. All I was made for. With every heartbeat all of my blood bleeds, running inside me… looking for You. I am restless looking for You.”
    Ah, Switchfoot. Every time y’all. They get me EVERY TIME. This song is obviously not new, but it’s a new anthem for me in this season. I’m still awaiting what God has in store. He’s given me small glimpses, but I am seeing that the time is drawing near. And I’m restless. I’m restless for the future, but I’m also restless in the pursuit of my relationship with God.
• “Atlas: Joy” – Sleeping At Last
  • “It is the calm water in the middle of an anxious sea.. Where the heavy clouds part and the sunrise starts a fire in the deepest part of me. So I let go and in this moment I can breathe.”
    This song is called ‘Joy’ for a reason, it describes every little part of life that brings joy to us. It’s a celebration for all the good in life. Once again, sometimes you have to encourage yourself. “It’s a glimpse of light in a mine of gold.” Sometimes you have to make yourself stop and look around, and the small pieces of joy begin to glimmer in the darkness.
• “I Smile” – Kirk Franklin
  • “I smile. Even though I hurt, see, I smile. I know that God is working, so I smile. Even though I’ve been here for a while… I smile!”
    Another song that I sing to encourage myself. And it’s such a fun song, you can’t help but smile!
• “Beautiful Story” – The Belonging Co. feat. Mia Fieldes
  • “All the while you keep saying, ‘Trust that I am orchestrating everything for good.’ All the while you keep saying ‘Trust that I am custom making everything for good.'”
    He truly writes a beautiful story. This year has been a roller coaster. And parts of it I am still waiting to see what their purpose was. I believe I’ll be able to look back one day and know that this year was the pinnacle. Where the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. I don’t see all of that yet… But through it all, God keeps whispering for me to trust Him, that he’s got it under control. and that’s all I need to believe.
• “You’re Not Finished Yet” – The Belonging Co. feat. Maggie Reed
  • “I won’t forget the things You’ve done, for I know that this is just the beginning. And You’re not finished yet. Until I see Your promise come, God with all I am, I’ll keep believing that You’re not finished yet.”
    I could quote this entire song as being the part that stands out to me. It literally encompasses everything that’s happened this year. The most important part being that God is not finished with me yet. And I hope he’s never finished with me. It is my prayer that I never stop chasing after Him. That I never lose the love and wonder I have towards Him. That I never close my heart to what He’s doing in me. That I am open and willing and trusting of His plan. That, just as He is never finished with me, I am never finished with me.

Talents

There’s this phrase I like to use to describe myself. It’s well known by many, but also misunderstood I believe:

“Jack of all trades, master of none.”

On the surface, this phrase seems a little poignant. You’re saying to the world: “I’m not really that great at any thing.” and that thought used to make me shy away from it. I was afraid that people would think I was looking down on myself, that I lacked confidence in what I talents I have.

When you start to dig deeper into the meaning though, something beautiful happens.

You see, I used to be jealous of the people out there who were great at something. They had this one thing that drove them further, this one passion, this one desire that kept them on track. They knew what they wanted out of life and they pushed toward that everyday.

And then there was me.

I’ve felt the call of music ministry from the age of 16, “This is it!” I said to myself. But I believe God had something different in mind.
At 19, in response to my love for art, I enrolled in art college for photography.
I kept my options open, I continued to learn what I could in the realm of music (A story for another day), and I continued to pursue the arts. I painted, I taught myself some graphic design and videography, I got involved in performing arts and discovered a love for musical theater, and I started writing. I loved it all. But where was my one passion?

I believe one of the hardest parts of life is choosing what to go after.

In fact, if there is one thing I’m great at, It’s probably self-awareness. The ability to not be able to lie to myself. To be able to see the harsh reality at all times without rose colored lenses. It’s more like a curse, really. 🙂

I look at every single one of those things I love and can truthfully say that I am not great at any of them.
Why? I would ask God over and over. Life would be so much easier if I just knew what I needed to pursue!

I slowly realized that maybe I wasn’t called to be great at any one thing. God began to challenge me… What was so wrong with that?
Did he promise me that ‘my calling’ would be one thing? Why should my calling happen like everyone else’s? Why shouldn’t I have many talents?

I’ve been so caught up in finding my calling, my special talent, seeking my passion, that I missed the point.

— — —

Today, I was thinking about the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30.

A master leaves money (talents) with three servants. Each servant knows their master is a certain kind of man. He values profit. Yet, clearly he values his servants enough to entrust them with his money. He gives one 5 talents, another 2 talents, and the last servant he gives one talent. He leaves for a while and comes back to find that the servants who had the 5 and 2 talents invested them and multiplied them. The servant with the one talent was scared that he would lose his money and be punished by his master, so he buried it.
The master returns and he praises the first two servants for taking what he gave them and multiplying it. But the third servant he scolds and throws out into the darkness for not having multiplied his one talent.
I’ll admit this story has always seemed a little harsh to me. I mean, he didn’t lose the talent, he could’ve went and spent it, but he didn’t. Was it so bad that he was scared that he would fail his master?

But I realized today that that’s not the point.
Multiplication of one’s talent is a side effect of one’s view of the master. The first two servants knew their master, knew that they had been given a lot of trust, and they knew the weight of what their task was. The third servant didn’t understand that. He let his misunderstanding of the master cause him to dwell on all the wrong things. He was more worried about the talent than he was worried about his master desires.

— — —

God has been showing me lately that I’ve had that one passion all along. That one passion is, and always should be, Him. He has given me many talents, and has entrusted me to use them for his profit, his kingdom’s profit.
I’ve felt that weight from the very beginning. But it’s so easy to become the servant with one talent. To get caught up in what I have to offer, maybe even comparing what I’ve been given with others, hiding my small abilities because they didn’t measure up.

God’s message in the parable isn’t that some people have more than others for any particular reason, his message is that no matter what abilities he has given us we should love him enough to want to use them for his gain.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that having more than one ability is better than having just one thing you’re good at. It’s all the same. As in the parable, it is not the amount of talents that mattered at all.

At the end of the story, The master tells the third servant that he doesn’t deserve his one talent, takes it, and gives it to the first servant. Then he says: “To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.”

I’m finding everyday that if my passion lies in my talents, then I am doomed to fail. But if my passion is for my master, the talents I have are just a tool to please him.
It’s a beautiful thing to be a jack of all trades and master of none. God has richly blessed me with abilities, entrusted me to gain interest for his kingdom. To be a master of nothing isn’t a poignant matter. It means that I’m ever learning, ever growing my abilities. And the truth is, I’ll never become a master of my talents. For my talents are not mine to begin with, they’re his. I am merely holding onto them, using them well, striving to increase them for my master’s hand.

My Rocky Relationship With Hope.

Tomorrow is another day.
A day filled with everything new.
I live like I’m owed something.
I live like I deserve something.

But then life happens.
I get dropped on my face. Crashing to a halt.
Someone or something lets me down.
I grow weary and burdened with the idea of hope.

People never change.
How could I ever be so foolish to think that this time would work out?
Why do I still find the hope to believe in people, to believe in me?
I hit rock bottom and have to pick myself up again.

I look up, because there’s no where else to look anymore.
Okay. You’ll be okay. Let’s just start again.
But I can’t let myself hope anymore.
I can’t be let down again.

I question everything I do. Everything I say.
Don’t get too close. Save yourself the trouble.
You’ve been down this road before.
To hope any longer is ridiculous.

Days and weeks drag by. Existing in a shell of life.
I’m being realistic.  I won’t be hurt again.
Months of peace come. All is quiet.
But all it takes is one thought.

The loneliest thoughts come in the still of a hopeless life.
My protection turns in on itself.
And no matter how hard I try, my heart aches to be found.
By anyone. By you.

I let myself slip. It’s so hard when you’re here.
I don’t dare hope. It’s all a trick.
When has this ever worked before?
Never. It’s never worked before.

Why should this time be any different?
To hope again would mean certain disappointment.
To hope would mean exposing the truth.
That I’m not strong enough to try again.

I’ve been knocked down time after time.
I’ve grown frail in the face of hope.
I’ve spat out my anger in it’s face.
Blamed it for ruining all that could’ve been.

But somewhere in my frailty, I find this fight.
This uprising in my spirit that won’t let me die.
It whispers at first. It tells me to hope again.
My doubt still lingers, but I listen.

The whisper grows louder. A gentle voice.
You can try again. You have to hope.
The voice raises higher.
What else do you have left?

You’ve thrown every chance away.
Every opportunity of happiness. Of joy.
Because of your hurt you finished it off.
But where are you now?

Lonely. That’s where I am.
I’m safe. But I am very much alone.
I don’t like it here. It’s not worth it anymore.
I can’t stay here anymore.

And then you showed up.
Just another normal day. Another chance.
I had scarcely left your presence when it happened.
I felt again that small ounce of hope.

I dare not say why. I dare not speak aloud.
My heart cannot admit it.
Not yet.
Not yet.

2012 – 2013: Let The Waters Rise

This year’s song is “Let The Waters Rise” by: Mikeschair

I don’t know where to begin, feels like my worlds caving in,
And I try but I can’t control my fear… Where do I go from here?
Sometimes it’s so hard to pray, when You feel so far away,
But I am willing to go where You want me to… God I trust You.

There’s a raging sea right in front of me… Wants to pull me in, Bring me to my knees.
So let the waters rise, if you want them to… I will follow You. I will follow You.

It seems that in my two year absence from writing a new years blog, life has happened and things have changed.

I refrained from writing last year, not due to anything but the fact that every time I sat down I couldn’t seem to write it out. I couldn’t find the words to write about a new year, because I didn’t really feel like it was a new year, a new anything.
Sometimes seasons in your life really do match the changing of a year. And other times they last through the years, not changing, leaving you with the feeling that the new year is just another day to live with the way things are.
Fortunately, 2014 doesn’t feel that way to me, leaving me the freedom to write about the season I have experienced over the last two years and how I feel that season finally coming to a close. But more on that in a second. 😉

— — —

At the open of 2012, I accepted a new ministry position. I accepted this position not because it was my calling, but because there was a need. And this need was one I was able to fill, and to do well at. So after prayer and lots of debate, I figured: Why shouldn’t I? I knew I would learn great things from being in a position of leadership, but I also knew that this position would take me further from what I felt was my heartbeat at the church: Music. This new position dealt in those things in a small way, I would become the new programming director, which means I would help to plan out the services of the year in a creative way (using music and drama and other things), “making things stick” is the phrase we like to use. Also, under this role was visual ministries, which is the projection screens team, who runs, maintains, and creates graphics for every service.

So it began. And boy, has it been a learning experience. I hit the ground with two feet running, stumbling on my own shoes and fumbling through obstacles, learning as I went and feeling the immense frustration of it all. Bad things happened, good things happened, everything happened that you could possibly imagine. And in the middle of it all, I was stalled in the direction of my calling. I felt like I had taken a long scenic route off of the main road that led to my calling in ministry. Only, if you were to ask me, I couldn’t tell you what that was, I only knew that this wasn’t it. I can’t blame anyone for this feeling, I knew from the beginning that it would take me further down a path I didn’t necessarily want. But I did it because I knew I needed to do it.

Six months in, I sat down with my pastor and told him all of this. He knew I had been feeling that way, and he told me something I’ll never forget: “It would be easy for you to quit.” He said, “It would be so simple for you to stop now and continue doing what you were doing. But I don’t think you need to do that. What have you learned so far? What have been the benefits?”
I began to think. I spoke it out loud. How, while unorthodox, the method of being thrown into the deep end, I had learned so much. I’d learned more in six months than I had learned in the past few years. I owed it to myself to continue, not because everything was suddenly okay, but I knew I needed to learn more.

I finished 2012 with triumphs and losses, and knew that 2013 held nothing much different, so I glided through the new year.
During this time, I had also accepted a new photography job, and began to develop my experience in that field. While it was a great thing, it very much added to the busyness of life, which undoubtedly increased frustrations. All the while, I knew that this wasn’t where I had planned to be, but it was very much where I belonged. I felt peace in knowing that I was learning and growing, just not in the way I had expected. I resolved to put more energy, more effort into this. If I was to be here, I would do my best. I finally felt and ownership with this leadership role.
Meanwhile, due to my increasing responsibility with programming ministry, my responsibilities in music (praise-singing) were being diminished. In all of the understanding and resolve, I hated that fact. I resented walking up on stage, trying to be 100% there in the very important role of leading worship, and being distracted by what was going wrong with the screens, or making sure that everything I’d planned would happen correctly. I was doing three things at once, and I felt more and more that I could no longer give of myself completely in the ministry I truly cared about over the others. I can’t begin to describe what that feels like. While what I was doing was fulfilling at times, my heart ached for a different route.

At the beginning of 2013, I went to a leadership conference in GA called “Drive”, held by Andy Stanley’s church. I went to learn from a programming director’s perspective, to make what I do more inspired and motivated. I was inspired and motivated. But I remember sitting in one of the sessions I happened to attend by myself, a session that I wasn’t really into. Immediately I felt so disappointed that I was here getting all of this great knowledge, and I wasn’t there. My heart wasn’t there. I was mad that I was sitting in a session about appealing to guests, when I really wanted to be in a session about leading worship. I hadn’t had any singing opportunities outside of my church in the last year like I’d had prior to taking this position, I felt like I wasn’t being used to my greatest potential and it was all out of my hands. I was throwing myself a silent pity party… when I get a text. An invite to one of those opportunities I hadn’t had in over a year. I know it was God in that moment letting me know that he hadn’t forgotten about me. I almost started crying, right there in the middle of a session. And can you believe it? I very nearly said no. I was so busy with everything, that I literally didn’t know if I could do it. But I said yes. If there was one thing I would say yes to, it would be this, no matter what I had to do to make it happen.  I finished out the conference actually sneaking into a session that was about music instead of attending the programming ones I was assigned to. I drank it all in, so thirsty for that motivation and inspiration to continue on.
On the last night of this conference, the leaders that were there all sat down and talked through what we’d learned. Some of the things we definitely wanted to implement had to do with what I could do to make it happen. I was asked point blank if I could do it. I answered honestly, I couldn’t. Not with everything I already had to do. I would have to let something go.
It was settled that this conversation would take place another day, but that it was definitely to be put in the works. What a relief I felt, knowing that there actually was a light at the end of this tunnel!

Sometime in the summer of 2013, I actually did have the conversation. I sat back down with my pastor and discussed letting something go. That something was visual ministries, running the screens and overseeing the screens team. It was the least fulfilling and the most time consuming and distracting from what I wanted most. We agreed, it would take place. But in turn I would take on what we discussed at Drive. Video testimonies. Collecting people’s stories to show the church, to inspire them and to draw people deeper into the meaning of why the church exists.
He also asked me, because I’d always expressed such frustration with going a different direction, what I felt the direction was that I needed to go in. What was I working towards? What was it about music ministry that made it my calling? Did I want to be a music minister? What was the goal? I told him something then that I had told few people before.

A year prior, in August 2012, I went to volunteer for a play at Tennessee Performing Arts Center (Something I LOVE to do, that continually inspires me). The play was the premier production of The Nutty Professor. If it were to make it here in Nashville, it could go on to Broadway and make it REALLY big. I lucked out with center row seats in a smaller theater. As I sat and watched this production I was taken aback at how well done it was, and it wasn’t even on Broadway yet! It was quirky and sentimental, it touched me in a way that no other play I’d seen had before. I drove home from Nashville by myself, like I always do with no one to talk to, and began exclaiming to myself at how great the play was, how it just blew me away.
And then something in my spirit said: “You could do that.”
I was silent. And then I scoffed. “Yeah, right. Me? No. That was amazing, I couldn’t pull something like that off!”
But it repeated: “You could do that.”
After a measured silence I prayed a simple prayer: “God, I don’t know if that’s you or if it’s just me. But if it’s you, please don’t let that dream die. Keep it in my mind always, don’t let me forget about it.” And then I cried all the way home. It was a joyful cry, I just knew God had given me that.
Over the year that I’d kept mostly silent, God continued to bring it up in my mind. He continued to show me that I could do it. He gave me ideas for plays and dramas, gave me direction for the logistics of it all, and slowly I began to believe that I really could do this.
This idea would combine everything I love. Music. Drama. Writing. Technology. Lighting. Set design. And all of the things I’d been learning about leadership? I would need those lessons for this. It seemed like in that mere moment God was showing me that he had a plan.

I recounted this all to my pastor in that meeting. I told him in that moment that I wasn’t sure if what God had planned for me was meant to be kept in the four walls of a church, that it was bigger. I told him I didn’t think I would ever grow tired of singing on a stage and leading people in worship, that ministry in church is very important to me, but the bigger picture was that I wanted to reach the lost with art. I wanted people that would never step foot into a church service to walk into a play that I’d created and receive that spark of a thought. What if God is real? What if there’s more? Art and creativity is a powerful thing. What if God could use me to speak to those people? To speak to the lost on a different level? That’s what I felt God was directing me to do.
My pastor smiled as I told him all of this. “Why can’t it start here?” he said.
“Well, I don’t see why it couldn’t.” I said.
“Come back to me in a year with a play written and a plan and we’ll get it started.”

I left that meeting soaring high. Things were falling away and things were coming together. The change wouldn’t be immediate, but it would be coming soon. I began to ask God to give me direction on what I needed to write. He showed me that it was something I was already writing. A story I received the idea for in May of 2010. I started writing a short story and stopped, due to various things, and hadn’t picked it up in over three years. That was the first play I was to write.

For the rest of 2013, I slowly let go of visual ministries, and was able to focus more attention on music ministry. I found myself standing right back where I was in music ministry a few years back. Still learning to become the confident worship leader I had once thought was all I’d ever be. But now it’s so much more than that. I continued to receive words from God that this is the first big step, that this is the beginning. I can’t be afraid, I can’t sit back and let it slip away. I have to seize it. I am more empowered than ever to make that dream happen.
I don’t know where following this dream will lead me, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it is God’s will that I do. All of this time, the struggles and trials and taking the long road have been for the greater good. Every frustration was a lesson, every time I felt like giving up was teaching me to never give up. I am so thankful for those times. He never left my side. God led me through it all.

At the opening of 2014, I am unemployed. My photography job ended on January the 3rd, due to a mutual understanding that I was only going to work for a year and the dissolving of the position where I worked. I am looking for another job, one that will enable me to become more independent in my own life. I am still the programming director, I still have duties to uphold and grow in. I am still learning everyday that leadership isn’t easy, but it is entirely worth it. Starting in Februrary, I will begin to capture video testimonies for a large event happening at our church, and that’s just the beginning.

I’m not sure how all of it will play out this year, but I know that the winds of change are blowing softly upon my life. And for that I am entirely grateful. Overall in 2013, I learned to take risks, to trust, and to become more confident. In all areas. My life may not seem too different from the outside looking in. It seems I’ve stayed in one place for years and years. But I know that these past few years have been an internal work. So much has changed in me. And finally, in 2014, that change can become external.

The future is still as uncertain as it’s ever been, but it’s also as bright as it’s ever been.

I will swim in the deep ’cause You’ll be next to me,
You’re in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea… You’re never out of reach.
God, You know where I’ve been, You were there with me then,
You were faithful before, You’ll be faithful again… I’m holding Your hand.

There’s a raging sea right in front of me… Wants to pull me in, Bring me to my knees.
So let the waters rise, if You want them to… I will follow You. I will follow You.

Don’t Stop This Train.

Let me share a bit of my day so far…

My beloved Macbook Pro turns three years old on Monday. This means my 3-year Apple Care plan expires and I’ve never had to use it. So I decide it’s a good idea to take it up to the closest Apple service center here in Nashville to get it checked for anything that might be wrong that could be covered.
Turns out, nothing is wrong with it that can be covered, which is good news that I’ve had my Mac for 3 years and it’s still running strong, and bad news because I used my last bit of gas money to make the trip for nothing.
Traffic is insane in Nashville on this blistering Saturday afternoon, and to make it worse they’re doing major inter-state closings all over the city. The car I’m driving has this weird thing where it likes to die randomly without warning and the hot afternoon is making it worse while idling in traffic.
This leaves me sitting on the side of the road, not being able to use my a/c, with a ‘feels like’ temp of 110.

All of this hits me as sweat rolls down my brow and thousands of cars pass in ignorance. I start thinking about my life. How this is just ironic that I make a trip for nothing to end up on the side of the road. How my life isn’t going at all how I planned it to be. How I don’t have a job. How I don’t have money. How I’ve never been able to afford a reliable car in my entire lifetime. How God has placed me on a path in ministry I hadn’t expected and truthfully don’t really want at this moment.
I suddenly prayed a prayer, not for my car to make it to the next exit,  but for my path in ministry to change to the place it was well on the path to going but can’t because I accepted a position that takes me further into a ministry that isn’t my exact calling. God, PLEASE send someone to take over this. I don’t know why you gave this job to me, but I don’t want it anymore.

After I shed a few tears and get ahold of my brother, who is a mechanic, and he advises me to try to make it to the next exit, I hobble into the parking lot of Panera Bread. Trying to mask the fact that I’ve sweated ten pounds off, I head straight into the air conditioned bathroom and lock the door.

A familiar song plays over the speakers in the quiet; John Mayer’s “Stop This Train”. I hear the lyrics:

“Don’t stop this train, don’t for one minute judge the place you’re in. Don’t think I couldn’t ever understand, I’ve tried my hand. Honestly, we’ll never stop this train.”

Not only have I known these words for a very long time, but I’ve also heard this song at the times when I most needed to hear it. It’s just like God to put a small, quiet moment into a day of disaster. It’s just like him to use a pointless trip and an outburst of a prayer to speak to me when I was least likely to hear his voice.

I walked out of the bathroom with a determination to write this thought down. To share with you the journey I’ve made in a single day. To find a still, small voice play over the speakers in a restaurant bathroom.
I know I can’t stop this train. I know things can’t be perfect right now. I know I can’t judge this place I’m in according the place I thought I would be. I can’t know the thoughts of an Almighty God who knows exactly where he’s leading me and exactly what I need. How could I have thought that he couldn’t understand this place I’m in. He did, after all, try his hand in life as I am trying right now.

Honestly, We’ll never stop this train.

Wishes of a Heart.

You don’t know me… And I don’t know you… Not exactly.

But it’s what I do know about you that makes me wish these things.

I know if you just knew me, both of our lonely existences would be gone. I just have this feeling, this aching in my chest, that you could be the one for me.

I’ve been wrong before. God knows how incredibly wrong I’ve been.

I can’t help but think about all these stories I’ve heard. Not love at first sight… but this gentle urging, this small confidence, that this was it. This person is the one.

I let that keep hope alive.

Hope. That one day, the both of us will overcome the apparent social awkwardness of our personalities… and say hello to one another in a crowded room.

That would only be the beginning.

The next time, we might carry on a short dialogue at a mutual friend’s party.
And the next, sit down in a quiet place with a cup of coffee.

Just thinking of these small steps makes me smile with an inner joy I haven’t felt in so long a time.

Maybe after you know me, you’d admire those traits of mine that so many others find intimidating.
My intelligence and wit would be a comfort to a man as smart as yourself.
My odd sense of humor would make you laugh easily.
My honest opinions would intrigue you and challenge you to think differently.
And my gentle teasing would disarm you in a willing vulnerability.

Then I could find solace in knowing I’m not smarter than the person sitting across from me.
That your gentle voice could sing me to sleep over the phone, or in person when the time is right.
I could be excited to listen to your dreams, or just to listen to you ramble.
And feel comfortable enough to exist in silence, not feeling the necessity to fill the gaps in conversation.

All of this I can now only wish.

One day things will change. I know it’ll happen.

And then I will never have to wish or want for anything again.

Hiatus.

 

I stare at the blank walls around me,
Vast, empty, looming.
They mock and tempt me,
Do something, they say, Do anything.
Don’t just stand there, anticipating!

I can’t stand listening to them,
wondering if I’m wrong.
I’ve waited for you to answer,
I’ve waited for much too long.

You’re a fool for trusting him, they say,
You’re a fool for believing.
Why don’t you get up and seize the day?
Why don’t you live your own life?
I know they’re wrong, but what if they’re right?

Where will the next road lead me?
What is the next lesson I’m to learn?
Why won’t you answer me?
Don’t you see me here all alone?

It all seems pointless,
This hiatus I’m in.
As if my life means nothing.
I feel like giving up,
I feel like giving in.

I’m so angry with you,
And yet I see you in these blank walls…
Your face regards my disdain and you reveal nothing.
You don’t smile, you don’t wink.

You simply gaze upon me, appraising me with gentle eyes,
I can’t hold your gaze, knowing you hear my every thought.
I hurriedly glance up again, but all I see are tears.
Yours and mine.
They slip down our faces in silence.

Your eyes say everything,
Your mouth never moves.
I know, my child, how long you’ve waited.
I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do.

But through everything that’s happened,
through every tear you’ve cried,
Your eyes become hopeful, endearing.
I’ve never left your side,
I’ve been right here every time you’ve tried.

Then why is this happening?
Why do I still fall?
Why have you just stood there and done nothing?
Why does it feel like it’s all a big stall?

Your questions will be answered one day,
I can promise you that.
I lower my eyes, feeling again all that I lack.
“Stay with me.” I plead.
You smile, I will stay as long as you need.

I began to feel peace permeating the walls,
Sifting up from the ground beneath me,
The walls bow and tremble ,
And suddenly I could see…

The cage I’ve lived in,
With walls that mock and leer,
It no longer obstructs my view.
The surfaces had become lucidly clear,
And I find my eyes resting upon you.

I feel your arms around me,
Cradling my broken spirit in your hands.
I peer weakly into the unknown
as you help me to stand.

“My child, my child,” you finally speak,
“I know you think you’re ready for this,
but I know you better than that.
I want you to be free from this,
I want you to never go back.”

My eyes become wider as I see the outside world,
An invisible barrier is all that keeps me protected.
“This is the only way for you understand.
It’s not my will that you should feel rejected.”

Beyond the walls I see hurt and pain,
I also look upon triumph and gain.
“This is what’s next for you,
But first you must wait.
You must first learn how to open the gate.”

“Gate?
What gate do you mean?
I’ve known these walls for so long,
And this gate I have never seen.”

You usher me towards the gate,
“It’s been there all along,
Though I’ve just chosen to reveal it to you.
Use what I’ve given you, it won’t be long,
Soon you will have the future you are due.”

“Why couldn’t I leave before?
What was holding me back?
What was the purpose of this delay?”
I question you ruthlessly, my spirit suddenly slack.

You peer back with a loving look
in spite of my tortured glare,
“Oftentimes we are worried where we will travel next
when it’s right here that should hold our care.
What did you learn here, while waiting for an answer?”

I felt a surge of revelation course through my veins,
Our eyes met again, and I knew you knew.
I felt faith rise in my demeanor and confidence take hold of my reigns.
Your all-knowing expression held the final clue.

Instead of explaining to ease my mind,
You nod towards me, asking for my conclusion.
“Oh God, I’ve been so blind! How could I not see?
In all that has happened here,
Learning to trust you is what you were teaching me.”

You nod once more, an approving smile taking hold of your lips,
“Indeed,” you say slowly, “Indeed, it was.”
Then the gate was absolved and I faced the other side,
My nerves coming alive in an electrical buzz.

“Aren’t you coming?” I say as I turn to leave.
You stand placidly, your hands behind your back,
“I am with you always. But not always like this.”
I nod my understanding, courage filling my soul,
Bit by bit the cage fades to black.

Gazing ahead to the world before me,
a wonderful and terrible sight,
I think of the journey I had while waiting,
and recall your tender plight.

I take the first step into this unexplored terrain,
Feeling the invisible strength of a hand I already knew.
I glance over to see that I’m alone,
But in my head I hear your voice,
“Take heart, my child… I love you.”

2011: What If?

As I’ve done for the last couple of years, I will give you a song that sums up the last year for me.
My song for 2011 is: ‘What If?’ – Coldplay.
I picked this song because I actually discovered this song this year (6 years late) and spent many late nights with Coldplay playing over me as I stared at the ceiling, lost in the music beyond any anxiety or worry. If I could sum up the entire year of 2011 in one character it would be a big fat ‘?‘. And it was songs like this one that kept me going. In fact, the entire X&Y album became this year’s anthem.

The song asks the question in everyone’s heart: What If?. A question I’ve asked myself too many times to count this year.

After all the questions expressed, the song concludes: “Let’s take a breath, Jump over the side… How can you know it if you don’t even try?”
And that’s what I decided to do. This year I jumped over the side of a lot of cliffs. I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew something would happen. That was all I could cling to.

I’ve heard a quote that says: “IF is the center of LIFE.”

Last year, after a bit of struggle on my part, I made peace with my looming future and put it into higher hands. I walked into 2011 with the strongest notion that promotions were coming. But I also felt that these promotions wouldn’t come through natural veins of life. In fact, I felt an understanding that I wouldn’t get a good job, wouldn’t start my career, but instead I would be tried financially, emotionally, and mentally. It was a year of self-denial. But the payoff was that the promotions I’d receive would be spiritually. That 2011’s growth would set me up for the beginning of the future I so desired.

Sure, okay. Was my response to that urging. But I had no idea that everything I felt was going to happen so blatantly and without wavering. Without going into a long, drawn-out spill, the first couple of months I did everything in my power to get what I wanted. It wouldn’t happen. Throughout the year, I casually applied to jobs… jobs I should’ve had in the bag… I didn’t get them. But somehow each month, I managed to pay my bills through odd jobs here and there. Until August.

When August rolled around, I had been without any sort of income for a month or so and had still managed to scrape together bill money and pledge money for the church. But I couldn’t do it anymore. I had ZERO income coming in. So when it came time to pay these things, I had no choice. I couldn’t pay them. So I increased my crying-over-the-phone skills and asked for extremely decreased payments and deferments, and God allowed that that could happen for me.
Thankfully, I’m still living at home and have a gracious family that would give me gas money and other things to help me along. No, they didn’t fully understand what what going on, and told me increasingly as the year went along that I needed to do SOMETHING for income… even if that meant getting a job at McDonald’s. I couldn’t. I refused.
See, another thing I promised myself, my pastor, and God when I graduated college  in late 2010 was that I would not settle for just any job. I would hold out for a job that dealt with photography and I wouldn’t be selling my talents short. I meant it when I promised it.  I knew what I felt at the beginning of the year to be true. This wasn’t the year for my career. I could wait.

So I existed for a year, mooching off the charity of others, living in a state of limbo, not knowing what or when something good was going to actually happen. But the thing is, I’ve learned more about managing my finances and charity when I didn’t have money to manage or give.
I’ve been so humbled by this situation. I’ve learned that it’s okay to ask for help, that there is no shame in being poor, and that in this state of ‘relative poverty’ I had more than I needed. Even when I didn’t have money to put gas in my car, I had more than 75% of the world. I learned that I am an extremely blessed individual, to have a roof, a family, my health, and a free country to live in.

Now… like I said before, this year was meant for spiritual growth. Including what I just spoke of happening in my spirit through financial hardship, many MANY wonderful things have happened to me this year.

I accepted a position on the Evangelism team at church. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn’t want to. I know it sounds crazy, but because my spirit reeled back in fear from the idea, I knew I had to accept it. I am so glad I did. Through this ministry I gained a deeper love for people that I cannot begin to describe. I faced my fears of social situations, and grew bolder and more radical in the topic of evangelism.

I lost all fear associated with singing on stage. My love for Music Ministry has been set in stone this year. There was one Sunday in the old church building (We finally transitioned to our new location this year!) when I was singing a solo in the service. I went to the prayer room and started to pray the same prayer of anxiety I always did: “Lord, use me tonight, anoint my voice and keep it strong…” but something caught me. Why am I making this about me? so I changed my prayer that night to something like: “I don’t care what my voice sounds like when it comes out, but I pray that you would work through my voice to bless someone, that I could have the privilege of bridging the gap between you and the person whom my voice falls upon. This about you, not me.” — Needless to say, something broke loose in me that service. My voice was laughably the worst I’ve ever heard myself sing. But somewhere during my singing, I found myself not thinking about the song or my voice or what it sounded like. I was completely lost in this moment with God, with no fear or anxiety. It was the most liberating experience. As it turns out, the person I had prayed to bless that night was myself. I was finally free of self-consciousness and self-doubt. God used me to get over myself.

Leadership. At the beginning of 2011 I was invited to attend a monthly meeting that had once been reserved for ‘young ministers’ but became the ALT: Aspiring Leadership Team. Basically it’s a time where my pastor, Tim Zuniga, can pour into us anything and everything he can about what it means to be a successful leader, both in the world and in ministry. This class has been like a feast of meat and meat and more meat. It has taught me volumes of principles and techniques that I can implement practically in day-to-day life. It has changed my entire perspective of the Kingdom of God and how it works. Without going into major specifics, I was elevated to higher positions in multiple ministries I am involved in. And while it’s been trying and overwhelming, I can’t begin to relay all that I have learned from these experiences in leadership. It has been incredible.

One night, around September, I lay in bed thinking about all that had occurred (past and present)… and it was like a wave hit me, and suddenly I could see the hand of God in everything that had happened to me in the last couple of years. I lay awake, literally prostrate before God, until around 4am, sobbing uncontrollably. And afterwards, I felt the most amazing peace. All of those What If’s had disappeared. I could only feel confirmed in everything that had passed, even if I had no answers as to why any of it happened.

Already, it being the first week of 2012, change is happening rapidly around me. I feel released from all that was in 2011, and that this year I will finally be able to see the fruition of the future I have dreamt about since I was 15.
But that’s another blog post. 😉

Week Fifty-Two.

Week One

Week One

Week Fifty-two

Week Fifty-two

Starting Weight: 228lbs
Weight Week Fifty-two: 171lbs
Total Weight Lost: 57lbs

Current Measurements:
Hip: 40.5″
Abdomen/Belly: 38″
Waist: 32.5″
Bust: 39″
Upper Arm: 12″
Thigh: 23.5

Total Inches Lost: 40″

September 21, 2010—September 21, 2011

Holy Toledo, Batman! It’s been a year!

Can you believe it!? I can’t half believe it myself.
I used to look at testimonies of other people’s weight loss and cringe at the thought that it took them years to accomplish their goal. Now that it’s been a year for me, I can see how fast a year flies by. It actually slipped up on me. I had just laid down to go to sleep and was thinking about my weight loss and it dawned on me that I started it in the end of September and it’s the end of September now! I got up the next morning and checked the dates only to find that the next day marked a year. Of course that warrants a blog post, right?

All of that said, I must apologize for never having offered you an explanation as to why I stopped writing posts about six months ago. I can assure you that I did try multiple times to post one and just never finished it and soon forgot about it. So yeah, laziness. But I can also assure you that I didn’t once fail to do what I set out to do.
Sure, there were times of doubt when I felt myself being dragged by the heels into the mouth of the sweet tooth monster, but it was never long before I picked myself up, dusted the crumbs off my shirt, and started on my merry way again.

This being a mile stone for me, I wanted to share with you what I feel is on the road ahead for me when it comes to health.

I was reading my first post yesterday, This Is It, where I had spoken of some things I wanted my more fit self to be able to do, and then realized that some of those goals have been reached and some have not. One in particular talked of going on a hike, toting my own gear in a backpack.
This was a big dream at the time. In the back of my mind rested the thought of going on the big daddy of all hikes: A thru-hike of  The Appalachian Trail. It was so unobtainable and so ridiculous of a goal that I often put it away as something I will never be able to do. Over the past year, along with my brother who has also lost 50 some odd pounds, we began picking up the pieces of our hiking dreams again.
I know what you’re thinking, “THE  A.T.!? You’re insane.” And yes, you might be right. We are not being naive about this. We know how insane of a goal this is, but what the last year has brought us is a confidence that we can actually do this. Can we do it tomorrow? Heck no. THAT’S insane. Can we set realistic goals and plan until we’re brain dead and do this in the next couple of years? Absolutely.
It requires relentless amounts of training and planning and training and planning and training and planning…. but having seen what we can set our minds to and accomplish in a year has showed us how truly obtainable this goal is. The next problem is freeing up the 6 months required to do it in. 😉

Which brings me to my next point for the future.
Exercise regimen!  If you know me personally, or have read my past posts, you know that finding my exercising niche has been the toughest part for me. To start off the next year of health betterment, and preparing myself for the training I will need for the A.T. … I will be doing something I didn’t think I would ever want to do. P90X.
My other brother has been doing this on and off for about a year as well, and I’ve even done a few of the videos with him. I used to think that I could never do the entire workout regimen of 90 days and pull it off, but once again, my confidence levels for my entire life have been given a huge boost and I can look at it and realistically know that I could, in fact, pull it off.
This is not an easy goal, but I think it’s necessary for the level of fitness I need to achieve for the A.T.. And now that I’m 50 something pounds lighter, my body can handle the stress a whole lot better.
You’d better believe when this starts I will be blogging more results posts. I promise. =)
Looking back a year ago, if you had told me that in a year I would have these ridiculous goals in my head, I would’ve laughed in your face. My image of ‘what I wanted’ was just to be more healthy. When people would ask me what my weight loss goal was or what size clothes I wanted to wear, I didn’t have an answer. I could only say that I would know when I got there.
Bottom line is: I am still not there yet.  I have never had it in my head to look like a supermodel, or never wanted to have bulging muscles, because frankly, I think both of those images are extremely disgusting.

Now, I have a clearer image in my head of what I want out of my health. It was never what I wanted to look like, but what I wanted to accomplish with having a healthier lifestyle.
I don’t know exactly what the future holds for me, but I know that whenever I think of all that is possible for me now, I get the most relentless fire-breathing dragons flapping around in my stomach.

God has undoubtedly helped me through all of this last year, and I know that he will continue to help me reach these goals I have laid before him. That’s another post I have planned to write though. 😉

Thanks for reading and for being such a huge support for me. I love you all!

Heaven: Making The Grade?

God never called us to make it into heaven.

I think sometimes we often look at the reward of heaven as making a grade. Like in school, we can just barely scoot under the radar with D’s, barely making it into the next grade. But hey, you made it, right?

That’s not the way heaven is. God doesn’t want us to look at life with our fleshly minds that want only to do the bare minimum to make a passing grade.

God calls us to strive to be our best. To be an overachiever in our spiritual life, to be a teacher’s pet if you will. Those cool kids sitting in the back row, spitting paper wads at the teacher, won’t just make it into heaven.

It’s easy for one to wonder whether God grades us on a curve or not.
(By this I mean how he judges our actions and true intentions.)

If you are not familiar with the concept of grading on a curve, it means grading one according to one’s apparent abilities, not according to an absolute standard. In school, this means identifying the smart kids from the dumb kids and grading the smart kids according to a higher standard, whilst grading the dumb kids to a lower standard. That way, a dumb kid can make an ‘A’ just as easily as a smart kid. In essence, It evens the playing field. (And no, I’m not trying to be politically correct at this point.)

Basically, does God judge us based on what we have accomplished with the hand we’ve been dealt, so to speak… or does he judge us based on one absolute standard: The Bible?
Our carnal minds would like us to think that God, being a merciful and graceful and steadfastly loving God, would understand if we didn’t get around to doing all that we wants us to do. That, like a teacher grading on a curve, he would let us slide from not doing our homework or making a terrible score on a test simply because that is our apparent ability, to just be mediocre.
Whereas, if one does do all that they are required of, they would simply be just another saint making it into heaven.

Here’s the problem with grading on a curve. It creates no motivation to strive to be better, no reward for having gone above and beyond the call of duty. If God graded on a curve, there would be no reason to try to do all he asks us to do.

It is undeniably accurate to conclude that God does not grade us on a curve.

I’m not saying that he doesn’t offer forgiveness or extend his grace, mercy, and undying love to us when we fail. But God isn’t okay with failure. God isn’t okay with mediocrity. Yes, he placed you in the life that you have now, he set you in these surrounding circumstances. The trials before you and temptations you face are all a part of his plan. God doesn’t want you to merely go about your life, using your circumstances as an excuse to whether or not you will be great. Sure, it seems that others have it made a bit easier for them to succeed than most. But they, too, will face trials not unlike the ones you are facing. Their time will come where they are put to tests of equal importance and severity.
By not grading us according to our apparent abilities but according to our potential abilities, God is setting a high standard for all of us to follow. As I stated earlier, that standard is the bible. Unlike the ways of America, and our very own constitution, There are no amendments to the bible.
God didn’t say, “Love your enemies, bless those that curse you… unless that enemy happens to molest you for most of your childhood, then it is acceptable for you to hold hate and bitterness in your heart for the rest of your life.”
Or, “You are in the world, but not of the world… unless you’ve faced brutal persecution for not dressing, acting, or talking like the world, then it is okay to be an undercover agent for me.”

If life was a class offered in your school, and the grading scale was heaven or hell… There would be no D’s, C’s, B’s, or A’s. There would only be pass or fail. When you step up on the day of judgment and look God in the face, he won’t give you a grade somewhere in between.
He will either smile with gladness and gush, “Well done, My good and faithful servant.”
Or he will hang his head in disappointment and utter, “Depart from me, you worker of iniquity, I never knew you.”

Bottom line: Being rewarded with the ultimate prize of heaven isn’t about doing just enough to make it there.

God calls us to live a live worthy of heaven. He wants so bad for us to succeed that he offers his hand wherever and whenever you will take it. His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love is there for you to be made strong by it, for you to be able to get back up after you fall and fail time after time.
But ultimately, if you have not taken these endless chances he willingly gives you, and have not stood up to his expectations of the person you can be… In the end, you are the greatest disappointment God will ever feel. Your life is his greatest accomplishment, and your are his greatest prize. He wants only for you to succeed.

It is now time for you to prove yourself worthy of the prize of heaven. But to prove yourself worthy is impossible while living a life you control with your own fleshly desires of mediocrity. For it is not your accomplishments, but the God that you have allowed to work within you, that makes you worthy.

So when you stand before God, he will not consider what you have done with your own hands, but whether or not you let him use your hands and your feet, your entire being, to the greatest degree possible.
What God is looking for on that final day of judgment is not you standing before him, but a reflection of himself.

– – –

I encourage you to read a book that is very close to my heart, a book my father wrote that has been newly published this year. It is called, The Greatest Revolution. It is about unleashing God in your life, and coming together with those around you to create the largest campaign for Christ this world has ever known. If you went to N.A.Y.C. this year, or have heard since of the message preached: We Are Giants… then this book would be a great follow up.
Click here to learn more about The Greatest Revolution and the ministry behind it.
Click here to purchase The Greatest Revolution via Amazon.