Wishes of a Heart.

You don’t know me… And I don’t know you… Not exactly.

But it’s what I do know about you that makes me wish these things.

I know if you just knew me, both of our lonely existences would be gone. I just have this feeling, this aching in my chest, that you could be the one for me.

I’ve been wrong before. God knows how incredibly wrong I’ve been.

I can’t help but think about all these stories I’ve heard. Not love at first sight… but this gentle urging, this small confidence, that this was it. This person is the one.

I let that keep hope alive.

Hope. That one day, the both of us will overcome the apparent social awkwardness of our personalities… and say hello to one another in a crowded room.

That would only be the beginning.

The next time, we might carry on a short dialogue at a mutual friend’s party.
And the next, sit down in a quiet place with a cup of coffee.

Just thinking of these small steps makes me smile with an inner joy I haven’t felt in so long a time.

Maybe after you know me, you’d admire those traits of mine that so many others find intimidating.
My intelligence and wit would be a comfort to a man as smart as yourself.
My odd sense of humor would make you laugh easily.
My honest opinions would intrigue you and challenge you to think differently.
And my gentle teasing would disarm you in a willing vulnerability.

Then I could find solace in knowing I’m not smarter than the person sitting across from me.
That your gentle voice could sing me to sleep over the phone, or in person when the time is right.
I could be excited to listen to your dreams, or just to listen to you ramble.
And feel comfortable enough to exist in silence, not feeling the necessity to fill the gaps in conversation.

All of this I can now only wish.

One day things will change. I know it’ll happen.

And then I will never have to wish or want for anything again.

Purpose to Nonsensicality.

Have you ever purposely done something foolish or embarrassing in front of someone just to make them laugh? I’m not talking about trying to be liked or to be the center of attention. I’m talking about acting ridiculous for the sole purpose of seeing them smile.
You’re so addicted to their smile, brought so alive by seeing that you make them smile, that you would go as far as to make a fool out of yourself if it meant seeing them smile once more… And it matters not that you are the butt of the joke.

Is it worth it?
You might feel the full brunt of your stupidity later, but in the moment it’s all you can think to do.
I mean, who knows if you’ll ever see that smile again?
Who knows if the next time you do something stupid they will even laugh?

So dance along the line of desperation at seeing the light in their eyes, their beautiful smile, their ever-growing crows feet and laugh lines, and most of all the sound of joyful laughter escaping their mouth.

Yes, it’s totally worth it.